The Science Of Unplugging

What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver

Every month for this 12 Months of Digital Wellness series, I have been living what I’m writing about in real-time. And not intentionally. Truly, it is so particular how it’s unfolding this way. I am on this journey as I’m sharing it with you.

This month, when the kid's Summer break started we went camping a few times, and one of those times was a 5-day digital detox. I heard there would be no cell service where we were going so I went ahead and sent my “out of the office” texts. But I honestly wasn’t sure and wasn’t fully prepared. We were listening to Spotify as we drove down to the camping spot. When the song abruptly stopped, we realized we had lost signal. Boy was it a deafening silence. We were without a signal for the next five days. Our oldest even tried to hike out to a high enough elevation to get a signal on the first day. “Sorry, son!”

By day two, being apart from our phones, laptops, TV, Netflix, podcasts, and yes, music was like taking a deep breath for the first time in a while. I even currently have my phone set up to help me digitally minimize my day, but this was a true break. Going off the grid. On top of that, we were submerged deep into nature. We were surrounded by the sound of a rolling river while we slept, crackling fire while we ate, and the voices of friends and deep words spurring conversations throughout the week.
 

By deep breath, I’m talking a long slow inhale - exhale yoga breath!

I’m learning the importance of incorporating a practice into my life more regularly, and I don’t have to get away to do it. It’s the practice of Unplugging - disconnecting from technology all together for a period.

unplug : 
- to remove what is blocking something

- to take the plug of a piece of electrical equipment out of the place where it is connected to the electricity supply

Am I the supply? 

A study in the International Journal of Health & Addiction identifies increased use of technology as one of the big threats to mental health for adults.  The benefits of unplugging are very clear as well as being extensive. It’s science. Being excessively connected to our devices negatively impacts our mental and physical states, affecting our relationships as well as our work or school performance.

Taking a simple break from my device allows a reset for my body, mind and spirit.  However, we all know it’s anything but simple to step away from our devices for a short time. The tech industry is causing our brains to reject that science and justify just why we can’t spend intentional time off.  
 

Let's talk about the science.

When our phone is present we are neurologically attached to it and everything our brain has been wired to value that is on the other end of that screen.  We also know notifications from our phones trigger our fight-or-flight response. This is an instinctive physiological response of survival that all humans experience when faced with a threat.  It doesn't matter if you are facing physical danger or a pressing email from work, in a moment of stress your body works the same way. The body's sympathetic nervous system kicks into action and hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are released into the body. (Adrenaline is the specific hormone gaming apps and top tech labs target for us to come back for more.)  Not only will this hormone dump leave us feeling on edge, but continually elevated cortisol levels are linked directly to depression, high blood pressure, obesity, and many more negative health issues. That's why they say - Stress will kill you.  Even though neurologically and physiologically all this is happening in our bodies while on our phones we are mostly unaware of these stressors.  Unless we take time away we will not have a chance to recognize this body response or do anything about it. 

Many studies related to cyberpsychology are showing this correlation between having time away from our devices and increased quality of life. What causes this increased quality of life?  The participants in the studies had “more time” to themselves, to be present and rest internally instead of numbing out on or being overstimulated by devices. They also were less distracted and therefore had “more time” to spend on activities that were important to them and with people who were valuable to them.

 Journal of Travel Research found that people who digitally disconnected during travels felt they experienced better, richer relationships with other people and the world around them.

How many times do we say, “I don’t have time to cook, to read a book, to play, to workout, to walk the dog, to paint, to throw the football.” These are all examples from my own house, FYI!  In short, unplugging can force us to be more creative with how we spend our time and in turn make our time QUALITY. Next month we're going to look at our relationship with our phone and what we can do to set up a more digital minimalist phone. I'm excited to share these decluttering action steps with you!

Every time I speak about digital wellness this caveat is important to mention, so I’ll say it here, too. Of course, there is a time to binge that amazing new series on Netflix with friends, family, or by yourself. There is a time to swipe through fun videos and recipes, hammer out your texts and emails, share that important moment or message on social, listen to that Best of 90’s playlist on Spotify, and catch up on your favorite podcast series and…and…and…
 

Our devices enhance our lives, no doubt about it. 

But I hope you also see that our human bodies, minds, and spirits are starving for what they need regularly: 

Silence. Stillness. A necessary break.

It’s an invitation.

-Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, dictionary, Marissa Higgins, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork Photo: Amy Easley, Stillwater Refuge

Oh Sacred Time - 12 Months Of Digital Wellness #Techresponsibly

In the spirit of the topic we’re covering, I'm keeping this one short and sweet to honor your time.

When we pay attention to TIME, we realize that it connects everything.  For me, so much of my healing has been from seeing how very sacred time has been in my life. I wake up to the truth that there is a thread weaving themes through the fabric of my life, and even throughout all of time’s history.
 

I have this moment. These few breaths of air on this earth. 

You’ve heard it said: 
Time is fleeting. Time is precious. Time is a gift.  
I say YOU are the gift to time, and taking you out of the equation leaves you empty and unfulfilled. Meanwhile, time missed out on you and your gifts, and so did humanity. 

Darkness doesn’t need to destroy us if it can distract us for long enough. 

- Bob Goff

“How are we spending our time?” is not a shaming question, it is an inviting question. Inviting us into spaces of action and creation and the deep waters of life.

In the digital wellness world, we look at the three C’s as focus points on how we’re spending our time online:  
Creating 
Connecting
Consuming

Creating and connecting are both ways we contribute online, whereas consuming is how we take in online content. We will get more in-depth on Contribution vs. Consumption in a later post, focusing on participating in the online world rather than simply viewing the online world. For now, I’ll just say that as important as it is to take in information and consume content, we mentally reach a point where consumption can overwhelm us, whereas creating and connecting can be a more fulfilling way to spend our time online.

Taking stock of how much time we spend on our devices and how we spend time on our devices is a worthwhile investigation. And it is not hard. Our technology does the work for us with all of its tracking. Here’s a practice that broke this down for me. I turned my Screen Time on in the settings on my phone and watched it for a while. It landed on about an average of three hours a day. I then took that 3 hours a day and multiplied it by 365 days. Then I divided that by 24 hours, and the number 45 came up. (Sure there are easier ways to do that math, but that was my process). 45 days this past year spent on my phone. So much of it was good stuff. Talking to and texting friends and family, work, audiobooks or podcasts, maps, pictures and videos, connecting on social media,… Yet I asked myself, “What would I have done differently without my phone to fill those 45 days?”  

Here are a few intentional checkpoint questions. You can write your answers or just contemplate them. 

• How am I spending my time online? What apps am I in the longest, and am I contributing or consuming?

• Am I showing up present and engaged with the people in my life offline?

• Am I present with myself and paying attention to my needs (physical, mental, emotional, relational, spiritual)?

• What am I doing with my time in this season of life?

 Time flies, whether you’re wasting it or not 

- Crystal Woods

-Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

Do You See Me?

“Let him who cannot be alone beware of community... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone.”  Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

As we're walking this road to #techresponsibly – 12 Months of Digital Wellness, we began by looking back at 2020. We then moved into intention, building a life over a brand. We had to look at ourselves, our mind, and our body, before taking a look at relationships. And we haven't even ventured into the larger societal issues yet. Simply put, it starts within. We have to look inward before we can even begin to look outward. If you haven't yet, I encourage you to go read the previous months (linked below) to continue on this journey.  People are wired for connection from the beginning, in our very brain function.

"Relationships influence the brain more than anything." 

- Adam Young

We need connection to feel safe. Our nervous systems believe that relational disconnection means we are in danger. Connection not only is a survival mechanism but also directly affects our health and happiness. It helps us survive and thrive. Connection is formed by emotional bonds and interactions, and it is strengthened by mutual experiences. When connection, whether online or off, happens, it's magical—it's what we're designed for.  

We need each other. 

Social media platforms have, no doubt, transformed social connections around the world. When we look at the anxiety, depression, and suicide rates that have been on a drastic rise with social media use and phones, which are underreported, it's hard to deny all that is associated with a physical disconnection from relationships. And after this past year, the suffering from the loss of human interaction is just now catching up with us. We need to consider how our interactions turning digital have inextricably linked our phones with our mental health. 

Phones also have no discrimination—every socioeconomic group, gender, race, age, and geographical area is affected. No one can escape the phone trap because we all need our people, and they are on the other end of these tiny black screens. Or are they?  

Let's take a look at a thing called social capital (our social ties and where our energy and investment go) to understand what kinds of relationships we spend time nurturing online.
Bonding Social Capital:  strong relationships between individuals that allow for emotional support, trust, and companionship.
Bridging Social Capital: weak, distant relationships between individuals that make opportunities available for information sharing and knowledge transfer.  
Both are important and worth paying attention to in terms of how much time we invest and where.  

"Well-being has been extensively associated with social bonds. When we use social media as a tool to deepen our strong-tie relationships (i.e. those with close friends and family rather than acquaintances or weak-tie relationships), our well-being increases. When we use it to consume content or compare ourselves to others, well-being decreases. - Digital Communication Media Use and Psychological Well-Being, Oxford, Oct.2019

Being intentional with relationships online & off directly affects our health & happiness.
 

Social media can be deceptive because it provides the appearance of connection while actually making us lonelier. It does this by making surface interactions with weak-tie relationships incredibly convenient. Dr. Vivek Murthy, physician, former Surgeon General of the US, and author of Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, witnessed loneliness first-hand and began studying its effects. He says of social media, "The ease of interacting with our middle and outer circles replaces true interaction with our inner circles." He's not wrong. We can build a friends list of 750 with the click of a button.
Our deep relationships often take a back seat to:

easier interactions

constant access

shorter convos

faster friends

public view & consumption

unlimited availability

efficient messaging

incredible networking opportunities

social media comment debates 

Many of these things are wonderful and have allowed for incredible relationships and life-giving interactions. But those of us who have had positive engagement and experiences online can get defensive and even be blind to the effect the online world has on our social ties as a whole, specifically in younger generations. We are wise to name the tension created in our relationships by social media and the digital age. It can be amazing and horrifying and everything in between. 

Now, let’s explore our IRL (In Real Life) relationships, which are much slower, more complex, complicated, long-standing, harder, awkward, cringey sometimes even, wonderful, and fulfilling. When was the last lingering conversation you had? Many of us are just scratching the surface of knowing the people in our lives and even knowing ourselves. We're living on that exterior level and not "being with" enough to sink into the deeper waters of knowing and being known. What keeps us from these deep, life-giving relationships?  

We long to be seen, known & loved.

The fear of disconnection, rejection, and pain often keeps us from life-giving relationships. Because we’re wired for connection, we fear disconnection. But this fear can keep us from enjoying what we are designed for. We have so much to offer! Our beauty, our minds, our gifts. We humans are “deep waters,” and we all long to “dive in” to connect with others. We long to be seen, to belong. Whether watching a video of themself dancing on their phone over and over, or looking in your eyes with a big ol’ smile, that 4-year-old is saying, "Do you see me?" Whether logging onto a first social media account or stepping through the door at a new friend's birthday party, that 13-year-old is saying, "Do you see me? Do I belong?” And when we are seen, known, and loved, we thrive. 

But, to be seen also takes vulnerability, and vulnerability comes with a cost. We must be willing to risk disconnection, rejection, and deeper hurt. Sometimes being seen isn't received well and doesn't lead to being known and loved. In my life, I can name moments when I wasn't seen and built walls of disconnection. 

But the truth I discovered over and over again is that being unseen is a greater cost. To be unseen is to hold back, to shrink, to stay voiceless. It might even involve screaming out online "Do you see me?" while not allowing those closest to me access. Being unseen is costing lives every day. We see it in youth, in college students, in parents, in the elderly. So many of us are walking through this world unseen, begging for connection in whatever way we can find it, or cutting it off because it just hurts too much to risk.  God is the One who can break down those walls, and He has little by little in my own life as I pursue healing in the broken places of connection in my story.  I then can pursue those broken pieces in others, my kids, my family - changing the course of lives.

Where have you put up walls against deep connections in your life? What is a moment you can remember that you stopped being seen? Digital immigrants (those of us who remember life before online), go way back to before we could "blame" social media for our disconnection. Find those moments in your story that need tending to and healing in the realm of connection and being seen. And then, name them, make space, tell the truth, and reach out.
Remember that you belong here. We need you. We need to see you.
 

"Live in a world that embraces people, not a world that is preoccupied."

Dr. Vivek Murthy, Together 

-Dawn Wible

Find resources for healthy digital habits at talkmoretechless.com

sources: center for humane technology, digital wellness institute, pew research center, childrensscreentimeactionnetwork, sowthat.com, nielsen